“We’re not here, to cause no trouble…” or how double negatives nearly cost The ’85 Chicago Bears The Super Bowl

Welcome to the end of Thursday, fellow Blog Postians. Hope you had a good day.

Our west-coast Twitter friend @HorneUltimatum wrote us and said, “Hey thursday dudes, you seem in the know, what should i feast on during superbowl?” Good question, friend-o.

Super Bowl Sunday truly is the last great bastion of feasting. Sure there are other glutinous affairs throughout the year – the summer bar-b-que, Thanksgiving, Fat Tuesday, Lazy Sunday (yo Parns, yo Sandberg what’s crackin) - but when done right, Super Bowl Sunday is like Cecil Fielder and all those other days are like little Prince Fielders trying to get a bite of dad’s Triple Cheeseburger.

Seriously though – it’s a day when people eat and drink so much they come to work on Monday and the first thing they say is, “This really should be a national holiday.” I’m sure if we took a poll, most people would be willing to trade President’s Day with The Day After Super Bowl Sunday on the national holiday calendar. Amiright?

touch. down.

So what should you feast on? Really? You’re still looking for ideas four days before the big game? Alright then, grab your playbooks, let’s go over some X’s and O’s of what to eat come Sunday.

First you’ll want to create a shopping list:

• 1 – White Castle Crave Case
• 5 – Boxes of Pizza Rolls
• 1 – Whatever The Hell You Want
• 6 – Items from the Fried Food category
• 15 – different types of hot sauce and/or liquid cheese
• 1 – giant vat of chili
• However many will fit in the basket – Chips
• Too much – Beer
• 1 – final lap around the grocery store to be sure you grabbed anything you could possibly want to eat

It’s not that hard, ya dum-dum.

Real talk: my beautiful and brilliant mother has a recipe that never, never fails. Buy a brick of Velveeta, and two cans of chili. You like it hot? Throw some chili peppers in it. Then throw all that in a crockpot and melt all that cheese, then put as much of that stuff on a chip – any chip, except microchips (nerds) – and eat it, FOR HOURS. This shit is literally Super Bowl CRACK.

Although you may have to Super Bowl Shuffle to the bathroom after…

My other suggestion: learn a crazy ass chili recipe and then make enough to feed a small army. Or the entire army of a third world country.

OR, if you live in a bougy neighborhood like, oh, I don’t know, Santa Barbara, California, you could go the sushi route, maybe throw down some veggie platters, or roll up in there with some new-wave-fushion (it’s fashionable fusion) food that we’ve never even heard of – like with dry ice and foam and roe – and maybe some wine spritzers and some oranges you bought on the offramp of the 10.

The point here is a.) go big or go home and b.) go big on whatever the hell you want. Because after Sunday, you have to wait 214 days until football is on again.

HUP HUP HIKE!